


Leave Me

by whoopsitsmeme



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Coping, Crying, Death, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, How Do I Tag, Sacrifice, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, love??? I guess???, man this fic is terrible, not really tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2018-09-23 00:59:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9632795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoopsitsmeme/pseuds/whoopsitsmeme
Summary: None of them were faring well during this battle. The paladins were too far apart to even think about forming Voltron, and the castle had been left behind as a precaution to keep it safe. The stupid outdated comms decided to stop working, leaving Pidge alone and vulnerable on the Galra ship to fix it.Keith knew he wouldn't get there in time. He knew it in her voice. It was far too weak and far too broken to belong to a person who had a chance. Maybe there was time, maybe there wasn't, but he would give his all to try and save her.





	1. Loss

None of them were faring well during this battle. The paladins were too far apart to even think about forming Voltron, and the castle had been left behind as a precaution to keep it safe. Shiro was searching for his crew members from the Kerberos misson, with Pidge covering him by stealing information from the main control room. Lance was stuck near a hangar with multiple Galra battleships trying to corner him. Keith wasn't too far off, attempting to lure some of the ships away. Hunk was busy disarming every blaster he came across. Coran and Allura intercepted the information sent to the castle and instructed the paladins as best as they could, but the signal was weak and the exchanges were choppy. Pidge struggled to fix the connection, but she didn't get far before being surrounded by soldiers.

"Pidge, progress report on the information exchange," Shiro's voice shouted, making her flinch.

"It's not doing too well, and I've been found. I'll update you once the soldiers are gone," Pidge promised, her attention falling on the nasty bunch of soldiers that surrounded her.

"You useless child, drop your weapon and come quietly or someone's bound to be hurt," a voice growled to her left.

"I'll pass," Pidge said nonchalantly as she pulled out her bayard, shocking the Galra into a paralyzed fear. She turned back to the rest of the Galra only to find that one of them had already taken aim with his gun.

A burning pain emerged from her ribs, cutting all the way to Pidge's core. She gripped the punctured fabric of her bodysuit as she swung her weapon, curling the string around two of them and managing to push them off of the side of the bridge where they sat. Her eyes flickered to the three figures left, noticing the blurred silhouettes were a bit different from usual. She dove into one of them, shielding her body with the soldier as the fire was directed to her. Her feet trembled as she stood again and sliced the necks of the remaining two, nudging their bodies to tip away and off the ledge.

"Can you guys hear me?" Pidge asked. She was met with silence.

Her fingers rushed over the wires in her helmet as she typed in codes and fixed the damage done. "I think I got it?"

"Great job, Pidge, we hear you," Shiro praised.

Pidge fell to the floor and groaned. She curled around the wound in her ribs, hoping that her rasping breath was just exhaustion from the fight. Her hand trembled as she typed a few more commands into her helmet before letting it go limp and hit the ground.

"Paladins, get to your lions. There are more Galra ships on their way," Allura informed them through the now fixed communicator.

Shiro grunted in response. "I have to find somewhere to fly where I won't be surrounded. I have Matt and Sam. It'll be a little while before I'm clear, but I can try."

"Lance and I are on our way, we're flying off of the east wing of the ship," Keith told them. "There's not a lot of ships over here."

"I'm trailing you guys," Hunk added. "There are a few ships following me, but I'll take care of them."

Pidge smiled faintly, glad her friends were safe. She tried to pull herself upright to sit against the wall, but she found that the ground was her best friend for the time being and toppled onto her side again.

"Pidge, where are you?" Shiro asked. "You need to get out of there soon, the ships will be arriving any minute."

"Any minute is now," Keith warned, the sounds of a large fleet heard in the background. "The ships are approaching from the south."

"Pidge, can you hear us?" Shiro's voice rang out loudly, as if he had raised it.

"Loud and clear, Shiro," Pidge replied, gritting her teeth. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I won't be going anywhere anytime soon."

That made Shiro curse. "Come on, Pidge, where are you?"

"West wing, but you won't be able to make it-"

"Shut up! I'll get there!" Keith yelled. "I'm leaving now. Shiro, you and the others go ahead."

"Keith, there's not enough time," Shiro said reluctantly.

"I'm not leaving her!" Keith spat back.

Shiro sighed. "Pidge, get to your lion. Can someone send coordinates to Green? Allura?"

"Yes, but Pidge will have to set her lion on autopilot first," Allura told them. "Can you do that, Pidge?"

"I'm sorry," Pidge murmured. "You guys need to get out of here."

"Pidge, please, can you get to your lion and put it on autopilot?" Shiro urged.

"I'll miss you guys. I ju-ust..." Pidge coughed. "I'm so sorry."

"Pidge, don't you dare say that. Keith's on his way, just hang in there," Lance begged, making Keith turn around at full speed and make his way to the west wing.

"Hold on, Pidge, I'm coming," Keith reassured her. "I'm coming."

"Stay where you are," Pidge whispered hoarsely. "Leave me. There's nothing left worth saving."

The paladins were completely silent, listening for what Pidge would say next. She shuddered and convulsed as her body curled around the bleeding wound in her abdomen.

"I love you guys. You're my family, and I'll never forget you. Keith, don't think that it's your fault. I care about you too much for that. Please-" Pidge coughed and sputtered, tasting a metallic liquid as it bubbled up from her throat. "Ke-ith…"

The only sounds heard over the communicator were from Pidge. She gagged and coughed, trying to free her windpipe of the blood. A few gasping breaths were separated by gurgling. Pidge tried to choke out a few more words, but she couldn't breathe. She felt like she was underwater, with the sounds of her own struggle muffled and quiet. The paladins listened in horror until the communicators went silent.

"...Pidge?" Keith asked warily, his voice cracking.

Pidge struggled to reply, and she managed to say, "I lo-…"


	2. Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith's struggling to come to terms with Pidge's death- why were her last words to him, of all people?

"Keith, where are you going?" 

Keith shoved his controls forward angrily, feeling the tug in his gut pull him to where Pidge was. He clenched his jaw and ignored the question.

"Keith, you need to come back to the castle," Shiro warned.

"I'm going to find Pidge!" Keith pulled up along the entrance to the ship and rushed out to get inside. "I'm not leaving her here!"

He felt his pulse beating in his head, his feet pounding on the bridge in time with his heart. Keith skidded to a stop when he saw a small limp body lying on the ground. He crouched beside it, shaking the shoulder of the fallen Paladin.

"Pidge," Keith choked out. "Pidge!"

No reply came from the cooling body. His arms wrapped around Pidge and pulled her close, trying to warm her back into life.

"Keith, can you hear me? You need to come back now, with or without Pidge!" Shiro yelled.

Keith stood shakily as he replied, "I'm coming."

He carried Pidge back across the bridge, pace brisk in hopes of bringing her back. Red welcomed him on board and was patient as he settled Pidge into the seat in front of him, carefully nestling her head in the crook of his elbow. He guided Red to the castle and stood with Pidge just as they landed.

"Bring her up to the pods," Allura said over the comms. "We'll check out what happened while we're up there."

Keith merely huffed in response as he hurried out of the hangar with Pidge in his arms. Her head lolled with the swaying of his body, making him shift so she was resting against his chest with her head on his shoulder. He burst into the room and laid her against a pod gently while the team gathered to change her into a healing suit. Once the door closed around her, the blue light illuminating the glass flashed and smoke flooded the chamber. 

"What's going on? This didn't happen when Lance was in the pod, is she okay?" Hunk asked worriedly, panic flooding his expression.

Allura backed away from the pod slowly. "The pod can't revive her… she's been gone for too long…"

Keith's stomach dropped. "She's dead forever."

Lance shoved Keith out of the way and crouched in front of the pod, putting his hand on the glass. "Maybe we can convince the pod to try harder, you know? L-like this?"

Keith nodded and pressed his palms flat against the surface, watching as the others did the same. His fingers pressed into the glass hard enough that he feared it might break, but the light continued to flash. He thought of Pidge, of her sarcastic remarks and her bright smile that always reached her eyes. He thought of when she fought alongside him as they took down countless Galra ships. His mind flickered to how, just a few moments before, she had tried to say something.

"What was it?" he asked the pod, voice breaking. "What did you want to tell me?"

The pod shook and went dark, opening the glass to reveal Pidge's still lifeless body laying in the bottom. A loud choking noise emerged from his right as Hunk reached out and brushed his hand against Pidge's shoulder. Lance pulled himself near the limp body and broke down, pressing his forehead against her side. Shiro kneeled behind them and pulled Pidge's head into his lap, running his fingers through her cropped hair as silent tears splashed on her cheeks. Matt and Sam stood stiffly off to the side, disbelief in their expressions. Keith slumped down and sat rigid and unmoving with his hands resting on the metal section of the pod. His eyes remained wide and he didn't blink once, not even to fight the tears swirling in his vision.

"I'm sorry," Allura murmured. "She's not coming back…"

The words hit Keith like a blow to his back, pushing him onto his hands and knees as streams of saltwater burned his face before they fell to the floor between his thumbs. His hands curled into fists and pressed into the ground until he knew it would leave bruises.

"Take your time and don't worry about cleaning up around the castle," Coran told them softly, "I'll take care of it."

Allura left the room with Coran, hesitating before turning the corner to truly leave.

"How could this happen?" Matt asked, moving to kneel beside Shiro while Sam did the same. "How the _hell _could you let this happen?!?"__

__Keith could see everyone flinch at the question. He opened his mouth to reply. "I couldn't get there," he rasped. "Not enough time."_ _

__Matt whipped around to fix his glare on Keith. "You just didn't want to risk your life to save her!"_ _

__"That's not fair, Matt," Sam whispered, reaching out to put his hand on Matt's shoulder. The latter backed up and stormed over to Keith._ _

__"Get up," Matt growled. Keith did nothing. "I said get up."_ _

__Keith stood shakily and faced Matt, who fixed his fist in Keith's shirt and tugged him down to eye level._ _

__"I hope you die. You deserve to." Matt curled his other hand and punched Keith in the jaw, then knocked him to the floor. "You should have taken her place." A final kick was landed in his gut. Keith nodded and squeezed his eyes shut, arms wrapped around his knees as he sat. Sam carefully guided a seething Matt out of the room._ _

__"I'm sorry," Sam murmured to them._ _

__With that, the paladins were alone for hours before Hunk stood and left, clutching his stomach and looking nauseous. Lance followed soon after with his head down and tears staining his cheeks. Shiro got up a while later and slowed while passing Keith's hunched over form. A hand rested on Keith's shoulder, making him turn to face the owner. Shiro was watching his expression carefully and trying to decide if it was okay to talk._ _

__"She's gone, Keith. I'm sorry."_ _

__Keith clenched his fists, bringing them down to his sides. "I know that."_ _

__"She cared about you a lot. It's not your fault," Shiro reminded him. "There's nothing you could've done."_ _

__"There's a lot of things I could've done!" Keith snarled. "Pidge is gone because I couldn't get to her in time, which is because I broke the communication system during training. She's gone because of me."_ _

__Shiro's eyes widened. "Keith, that's not true-"_ _

__"It is true, you just don't want me to get hurt. It's too late for that, Shiro." Keith turned on his heel and stormed off to the hangars._ _

__He found Red sitting beside Green, the rest of the lions hovering nearby. Green sat with her head down as Red leaned close in comfort. Keith conjured up as much of his strength as he could and walked to the lions with his chin up until he felt their gazes drawn to him. His feet gave out from under him and he collapsed on the floor, curling in on himself and feeling his fingers tighten in his hair. He squeezed his eyes shut and felt the hot tears spilling down his cheeks, frustration building in his chest._ _

__"What did she want to tell me? I couldn't even make it in time to hear!" Keith sobbed, his gut twisting with guilt. "She needed to say something…" A cold and hard surface pressed against his back, and he looked up to see the green lion settling down beside him. Green's eyes weren't as bright as they used to be, now just a dim glow in the yellow dips that resembled sockets. She rested her head on the paw that was touching Keith, her nose gently brushing his shirt. Keith pushed himself against the lion and buried his head in his hands.__

____

__

__"It's all my fault, Green… I'm so sorry…" Keith whispered, curling his fingers around one of the large claws of the robot._ _

__A rumbling purr flooded his mind as Green pushed images into the backs of his closed eyes. He watched as Pidge appeared over and over again, smiling, laughing, yelling, sleeping, and… crying._ _

__"No," Keith croaked. "What happened?"_ _

__Pidge had blood dripping from her jaw, in the same place he found it when he took her to the pods. Her eyes were narrowed as she fought, tears escaping her eyes. There was pain there, both physical and emotional, but there was love behind it. The love she showed for her team when they worked together and apart. The love she felt for her family when they searched to find them. There was something else, something that Keith couldn't quite decipher, but he felt her pain when she talked to the paladins._ _

__"Ke-ith," he heard, making him sob._ _

__"Pidge?" Keith said in time with his past self._ _

__"I lo-" Keith's eyes snapped open as he breathed hard, knuckles white from squeezing his fists. The lion pulled away and opened her jaw, allowing Keith into the cockpit. His feet followed each other until he was standing beside the chair as the screen flashed on._ _

__"Pidge," Keith whispered, eyes wide as he watched the paladin pull back into her seat._ _

__"Hi there, Keith," Pidge said loudly, a lopsided grin on her face. "I made this video in case I die or am somehow injured past the point of coming back to a state in which I can function. Sorry for whatever happened, I didn't mean to die. I hope you're okay. I mean, if you're watching this video then you're alive and therefore okay but I hope you're not too upset."_ _

__Keith smiled softly and sat down, hand out and pressed against the screen._ _

__"I was going somewhere with this, I promise. Uhm. I was probably too much of a coward or too busy dying to tell you this." Pidge gnawed on her bottom lip and fiddled with her hands, averting her eyes from the camera. "I'm not good with this kind of thing, sorry, so let me just start over."_ _

__Keith nodded and clasped his hands together to hide the way they shook._ _

__"Keith, you mean the absolute world to me as my teammate and fellow arm. We've been through a lot together, and I really didn't want to ruin our friendship by saying this while we were still so young. I'm sorry for not telling you earlier." Pidge cleared her throat and looked directly into the camera, eyes filled with tears. "Keith Kogane, I love you. I can't even remember what made me feel this way, or when it happened. God, we've been a team for just over a year now. You're probably really old watching this. Gross." Pidge's old self laughed softly as Keith just stared at the screen, frozen still._ _

__"W-what?" Keith whispered, feeling as though someone had ripped out his vocal cords and he couldn't speak._ _

__"Oh, Shiro's calling me back out. I gotta go. See ya!" Pidge's arm flashed out as she shut off the camera, leaving Keith in the darkness._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone gets their own chapter, along with a possible epilogue? I haven't decided yet, but feel free to comment some suggestions for this fic or a new one!


	3. Not Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunk wants his friend back. Nothing's right without her, not even a stakeout with Lance.

Out of all of his habits, Hunk hated this one the most. The persistent habit of going to the kitchen as often as possible. His first action after leaving the healing pods was going to the empty room, and he was hit with a fresh wave of grief. The cold metal all around him 

He wasn't hungry anymore. Instead, Hunk sat in the corner and watched the door, his eyes burning. The silence became suffocating and Hunk was glad to hear footsteps coming into the room.

"I thought I'd find you here," Lance murmured, making his way to sit beside Hunk. "Not hungry?"

Hunk shook his head. "How could I be?"

Lance filled two plates of food goo and handed one to Hunk. He patted his shoulder, sitting beside him. "You gotta eat, bud. It's been a few hours."

"It doesn't feel right." Hunk set his plate down and buried his face in his hands. "Nothing feels right."

"I know, but we have to keep going. It's what Pidge would've wanted. You know that." Lance put his arms around Hunk and pulled him into a hug. "She would want us to keep fighting."

Hunk nodded and let his building tears fall, melting into the hug. His once strong shoulders shook from his sobs and he felt weak.

"Shh, just let it all out, it's okay," Lance murmured, rubbing small circles on Hunk's back. 

Hunk's arms tightened around Lance's torso and he was comforted by the gentle rise and fall of his chest. Lance was still here. Lance would still be here as long as Hunk held onto him, as long as he was still within reach.

"Do you want to camp out on the couches tonight?" Lance asked when Hunk's breathing had evened out.

"Yeah. That would be nice." Hunk smiled grimly and stood slowly, pulling Lance up with him.

Hunk followed Lance into the lounge and they took their respective couches, which had been covered in blankets and pillows ever since their visit to Earth. He was grateful for the comfort and curled up in his pile. A stray blanket from Pidge's bed had found its way to Hunk's side and he held it close, thinking of the memories that it held. 

"Night, Hunk," Lance called from across the room. 

"Night," Hunk whispered, his voice hoarse from the lump in his throat. He fell asleep with images of Pidge's smiling face in his mind.


	4. Worthless

Lance could hear Hunk snoring, and he knew it would be a while before he woke up. He took the opportunity to sit upright and press his head against the back of the couch. Hard.

"I couldn't even protect her," Lance breathed, feeling his chest tighten. "I'm useless."

Lance clenched his fists and hissed in pain when his nails dug into his palm. He didn't stop, it merely encouraged him to squeeze until he felt skin break. The rush of warmth to the wounds comforted him. Tears slid down his cheeks slowly as he berated himself for not choosing to fight along Pidge's side when the option was offered.

"Worthless."

He pressed his fist against the back of the couch, focusing all of his energy on pushing that one spot. His mind conjured up an image of the Galra to help motivate him to keep shoving. Anger sparked in the depths of his soul and burned through his body.

"Nothing to the team."

Lance whimpered when his wrist popped, now feeling a bit off when it moved. He finally broke, going limp against the back of the couch. His sobs were muffled in the fabric and he was grateful for it. He didn't deserve comfort. 

"Mmm."

The sound of Hunk moving scared Lance out of the lounge and he hurried to the observatory. His first action was to find Earth and calculate the distance to the planet that they all missed so dearly, hoping it was close enough to fly to and talk to Pidge's family. To all of their families. Comfort them, make sure they know what happened. He searched the stars until he found it, the closest picture being a blur of green and blue.

"Damn, almost a week away!" Lance cursed, but made up his mind. Pidge's family needed to be together to mourn.

His mind buzzed around possible conversations to bring up around the subject. He finally decided to just tell them as soon as possible, just before he heard footsteps pounding behind him.

"Who's there?" Lance called.

His question was answered when Keith crossed the room and leaned against the wall, sliding down it until he was sitting. Keith's eyes were red and wide as though he had seen something he shouldn't have.

"Keith," Lance breathed, moving to his side. "Keith, what happened?"

Keith shook his head slowly. "I don't know…"

"Just- Here, come here, you're okay," Lance murmured, pulling Keith in for a hug. "We're a family. We'll make it through, okay?"

"We have to go back to Earth," Keith whispered.  

"We will." Lance glanced up at the blurred image of Earth. "We'll get there."

Keith scooted away from Lance and buried his face in his hands. Lance cocked his head, confused by the action.

"Hey, you know you can talk to me, right? I won't laugh," Lance told him.

"You don't understand."

Lance hummed and stood up, going to the door with the last of his self-respect escaping his grasp. "Okay. That's fine. Who wants to talk to Lance? It’s not like I’d have any experience in loss with my big family or anything,” he said to himself as he went to his room. He caught his reflection in the mirror and punched it angrily.

“I deserve to take her place.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to apologize for adding things to chapter two- I completely forgot that they rescued Matt and Sam! but it's fixed now, don't worry! you may want to go back and reread that...
> 
> in other news, a very beloved character may return in the epilogue ;w;


	5. You Failed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro thought he was okay until he talked to the Holts.

After leaving Keith alone, Shiro made a beeline for his room and slumped against the door as soon as he closed it. He pressed his head into his hands, trying to stifle the sobs that were escaping his mouth. Once he had calmed down a bit, he stood and stretched with a faint laugh.

“We always talked about what would happen if I disappeared, but not once about you,” Shiro hummed, leaving his room to help whoever needed it.

His feet moved seemingly on their own, not taking him to where his fellow paladins were, but to where Sam was trying to calm Matt down. The latter was currently in the middle of a sobbing, screaming fit. Both of the Holts froze when they noticed Shiro standing there.

“Shiro, I’m glad to see you’re safe,” Sam sighed, reaching to grip Matt’s wrists as a precaution.

Shiro smiled softly. “Same to you. How are you holding up?”

“How do you think we’re holding up?” Matt hissed. “I’ve been a prisoner for ten years, worked my ass off in workcamps for seven, and I just lost my little sister!”

“Matt,” Sam warned, tightening his grip on the young man’s arms.

Matt tore his arms away and glared at both of them. “You can’t just burst in on us while we’re grieving. I know that you have to be strong for your team like the so-called leader you are, but you have to have some sort of sympathy. Or rather, empathy. You can’t have sympathy when you’ve never lost your family!”

Shiro winced and stepped back.

“This is why Katie’s gone. You’re a coward and never would’ve stepped forward to save her,” Matt spat with finality.

Shiro shook his head. “There’s nothing we could have done for her. She was gone the moment she was injured.”

“You’re blaming her for her own death?” Matt challenged, disgust in his voice. “Jesus, Shiro, you’re just as bad as they are. The strongest will survive, right? The weak seal their own fate.”

“Then why aren’t the two of us dead?” Sam rasped from where he had sunk to his knees. “Why are we still here?”

Matt froze. His eyes flickered to his father before he turned from Shiro. “Don’t you dare talk to me again.”

Shiro left the room slowly, his head pulsing with the echoes of Matt’s words. It wasn’t really his fault, was it? Is he really just as bad as the Galra?

“No,” Shiro whispered, lifting his chin. “I take care of my team. I form the head. I keep us safe.”

An image of Matt flashed in his mind. “You failed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH SUPPORT I'M GETTING FOR THIS FIC
> 
> seriously- over 1k hits! I'm so grateful to have you all, every single one of you. on a sidenote, I don't have a beta reader and I never have ;-; if you'd like to beta for me, please let me know!!


	6. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith is brooding. Nobody likes it.

Keith didn’t sleep. He spent the night in the observatory, replaying the video in his mind. It just didn’t make sense- how could someone like her possibly love someone like him?

“Keith, you have to come and eat something,” he heard every half hour or so from nearly everyone on the ship.

Of course he didn’t go. Not once did he even acknowledge the presence of another being. He didn’t feel bad though. He couldn’t feel much of anything, really. Keith refused to move at all until he was picked up by Hunk and carried to lunch the next day.

“Can you stop being emo for five minutes and just listen?” Lance asked, shaking Keith's shoulder.

Keith huffed and curled in on himself. “I am listening.”

“At least eat something. It’s been two days, Keith, you have to eat,” Hunk pressed, setting a bowl of food goo in front of him.

He finally caved and picked at his lunch, stomach filling slowly as he ate. He managed to finish half of the bowl before feeling sick and sitting back.

“Guys, we have to go back to Earth,” Lance announced, his voice a little sad. “Allura, I know you wanted to make sure the ship wouldn’t pursue us, but Pidge’s family needs to be together again. We can’t just keep them apart like this. Her mom is all alone now, not even knowing what happened, and she doesn’t deserve that. She needs to know.”

“He’s right, Allura,” Shiro added. “It’s been over ten years since she saw her family.”

Allura sighed, beginning to leave the room. “I’ll change the route. We’ll be on Earth in about a week.”

Keith’s chest clenched. He hoped that he wouldn’t have to confront the Holts again, but he knew Shiro would make him go.

“Hey, Lance to Keith,” Lance called, waving Keith out of his trance. “You seem upset, are you okay?”

Keith’s eyes narrowed. “Why would you care?” he growled.

“You’re a part of my team, no matter how much I wish differently,” Lance replied. “Your feelings affect the rest of us.”

Shiro nodded his agreement. “Keith, we want to help you. We can if you tell us what’s going on.”

Keith stood abruptly, clenching his fists with his jaw set. “Pidge is dead,” he hissed, “And nobody was there for her! _I_ wasn’t there!”

“You couldn’t have-”

“I could have told her that I care!”

The room fell silent. Keith backed away slowly, wanting to be anywhere but here. His back hit a wall and he inhaled sharply. He couldn’t run from this.

“What do you mean? She knew that we all care,” Shiro assured him, his voice unwavering. "What would make you think she didn't?"

Keith squeezed his eyes shut, steeling his nerves before murmuring, “She didn’t know I loved her…”

“No way,” Lance breathed. “No way…”

Keith nodded wordlessly. He made for the exit, but stopped when he felt Hunk carefully wrap his arms around him in a hug.

“I’m so sorry, Keith.”

The rest of the team soon caught on and joined Hunk, trying to comfort each other. Keith trembled, afraid of losing this. Of losing them. He lost his parents. His home. All of his foster families. Shiro, once. Lost his place in the Garrison. Now, he lost Pidge. She wouldn't come back. Keith didn't want to lose his new family, not when he needed them.

Lance was the first to speak again. "Well, uh, now that that's cleared up, we should probably talk to the other Holts."

Keith pulled away and took a breath. "I'll do it," he decided.

Shiro stared at him in surprise. "Are you sure? One of us can do it. We can do it together."

Keith shook his head, turning to step to the door with more strength than he had held in days. "It has to be me, and me alone."

"Be careful," Shiro called after him.

Keith took a deep breath and started down the hall, ready to face the cataclysm ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *yells*
> 
> I’M SO SORRY I HAVEN’T WRITTEN IN SO LONG!!!!
> 
> Oh man, this is so thrown together… I ran out of ideas and I have no idea what’s going on anymore. There will only be about six more chapters, if I counted correctly. I probably didn’t. Oh well.
> 
> Here are my sorry excuses for not updating:
> 
> \- I’m finally getting to beta for someone!! I’m helping out with a Klance fanfiction called Incandescence. You should totally give the fic some love!  
> \- I got a concussion in April -_- I’m a total wreck when it comes to balance/coordination and I fell, resulting in a concussion. I’m fully healed now, so I can actually do things!  
> \- The same incident that gave me a concussion also gave me a longer-lasting neck injury that I went into physical therapy for. I’m pushing through and working really hard to get better, but I can’t really type for long periods of time.  
> \- I started working, a regular 40-hour work week job. It's very exhausting...  
> \- I'm just having a lot of health issues and it makes it very hard for me to work up energy to do anything except lay in bed when I'm not working
> 
> I’m constantly trying to find time to work on this fic, but it's incredibly hard just to take care of myself, let alone write and edit like I'm supposed to. I’m working as hard as I can for you guys because I feel bad for not updating. Hopefully I can update once a month but I won't make promises I can't keep. hope you understand!


	7. A Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt misses his little gremlin and Keith kind of (but not really) helps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR POSTING CHAPTER 6 AGAIN!!! I haven't touched this fic in a while and I forgot I posted it already... BUT I managed to crank out this chapter as an apology! I did update the previous chapter and I changed quite a few things, so it's worth popping back and checking that out again.

Matt's fingers twitched when he heard footsteps coming down the hall. He was somewhat grateful for the movement since he had been frozen stiff for a while with anger. The anger soon dissipated as he realized that the footsteps had entered the room. He quickly stood and whipped around, mouth open to chew Shiro out again, but he stopped when he realized the newcomer wasn't Shiro. He had an awful black mullet and sharp purple eyes. He looked tired.

"Hey, the guy greeted.

"Hey," Matt responded flatly.

"I'm Keith," he said, holding out his hand. Matt shook it.

"Matt."

Keith shuffled his feet. His face showed grief and fear and Matt almost felt bad for him. Almost.

"So…" Keith began, then stopped when he looked at Matt again. "Sorry, I just-"

"You see her in me," Matt finished. "Yeah, I get that a lot."

"No." Keith shook his head. "You're different people."

Matt hummed in agreement. "So why are you here?"

Keith smiled. "I came to tell you we're going to Earth. We're going home."

"Home," Matt repeated, relishing the warmth of the word on his tongue. "I get to go home."

"Of course you do. You deserve it," Keith assured him.

Matt struggled to focus on the rest of what Keith was saying, feeling his heart thrumming excitedly in his chest.

"Travel will take about a week,, but the landing point is only a quarter mile from your house, so it won't be too much of a walk. If you want, we can-"

Matt cut him off with a choked sob. His shoulders shook as he tried to control his tears, the rush of emotions making his legs weak.

"Thank you," he said hoarsely, finally getting himself under control.

Keith carefully avoided his gaze. "It's no trouble."

"What is it?" Matt asked. Fear seeped into his bones.

"Nothing, sorry, I'll let you talk to your dad." Keith turned to leave, but Matt grabbed his wrist and tugged him back.

"Did she say something to you?" Matt demaded.

Keith shook his head. "I probably shouldn't-"

"You should! Please, I need to know."

"It was only meant for me. It's not fair to her," Keith argued.

Matt's anger flared again. "She isn't here! It doesn't matter if it's fair or not. It's not fair to let her die in the first place!"

Keith backed away from him, his eyes wide in horror and shadowed with guilt. Matt tugged Keith's arm again and gripped harder.

"How do you think Katie feels, huh? Do you think she's happy to be dead? She probably hates you! You _left_ her to _die_. You left her to die _alone_! I bet you're real proud of yourself on that one."

"You're full of shit," Keith growled, clenching his fists and fighting back tears.

"Prove it," Matt challenged, lips curling in the feral snarl he had used against the Galra.

"Her last words," Keith hissed, "Were 'I love you'."

Matt froze, his mind flashing to the day he left for Kerberos. The last time he saw Katie.

~

_"Make sure you eat all of your rations," his mom had fretted, fussing over his collar. "And remember to write letters every week so I can put them in the memory box. Oh, and don't forget-"_

_"-to take care of Dad." Matt smiled. "I know. I will, I promise."_

_"Don't get abducted," Katie joked. "I'll kick your ass if you do."_

_"Thanks for the sentimental goodbye, you little gremlin," Matt retorted sarcastically, messing up her hair._

_Katie's hands flew up to swat him away. "Matt! You_ know _I hate that!"_

_"Yeah, yeah." Matt pulled her in for a hug. "Just wait and see, I'll take over the aliens and be their ruler."_

_"As if you're tall enough to convince them," Katie snorted. "You're gonna be late, you should go."_

_Matt nodded and pulled away. "I'll miss you," he said sadly._

_"I'll miss you too." Katie blinked hard and gave him a watery grin. "I love you."_

_"I love you too," Matt replied, heading to the car._

_He never gave the house a second glance._

~

Her words around his head as he tried to form a reply. For once, he found himself unable to speak.

"She doesn't blame us," Keith murmured. "But I do."

Matt's vision blurred. "I'm sorry. You can go," he said quietly. "Thank you."

Keith nodded, hesitating for a moment. "Let me know if I can do anything else."

Matt listened to his footsteps walking away and then sank to the floor with his back against the closed door. His breath came in shudders as he remembered that Katie, _his_ Katie, was gone for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about how rarely I update, and how short my chapters are. I've been pretty sick lately and nobody knows why it's lasting so long. I'm trying my hardest to keep up with school alone, but I can hardly focus anymore. I'll try to update more often, but it might not happen. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and please feel free to message me on my tumblr or instagram (same username as here, I don't know how to use links) if you want to chat!! I really appreciate you all and the support I've recieved for this fanfiction.


	8. See You Soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK MY BOIS
> 
> I got a diagnosis after months of confusion and pain: orthostatic intolerance, chronic headaches, and fibromyalgia! all incurable, but not deadly.
> 
> here's your long awaited chapter.

Keith felt grief hit him hard in the chest when he woke up. The weight had finally settled and he felt crushed by it. The thought of bearing it and going to chat over breakfast terrified him, so instead he got up to head over to the training room.

~

Snap!

Keith felt the flat of the training bot’s sword slam into his back. He swung his own weapon and landed a hit. As he moved to block and thrust systematically, he could feel the damage built up over the past few hours. His wrist was probably sprained. A few ribs were broken, too. Bruises flowered in areas where he wasn’t cut. Blood was smeared in various places on the floor. The air didn’t smell pleasant either. Sweat dripped down his brow, blinding him.

“End training sequence!”

“No!” Keith growled in frustration as he watched the bot disappear. “What the hell was that for?”

Lance took Keith’s sword and backed away before he could do anything else. “Look at yourself, Keith! You’re a wreck!”

“I’m perfectly fine,” he hissed. “I don’t need your help.”

Hunk walked in, followed by Shiro a moment later. The two pulled Keith into a hug. He promptly wriggled away to survey what had happened.

Shiro looked disappointed, his face tense from trying not to show it. His fists were clenched at his sides. Hunk was sniffling and rubbing his nose. And Lance…

Lance was silent. He stood there unyielding, a mountain in the middle of a storm. His eyes were haunted and red from crying.

“Why are you here?” Keith asked.

“There’s something I need to show you,” Lance murmured. “Come with me.”

Keith huffed and followed him slowly, dragging his feet. Exhaustion flooded his limbs. He counted the hallways they went through, the light growing brighter until they stood in the hangar. Green looked down at him with waves of comfort calming his anger.

“I saw.”

Keith’s eyes widened. “You saw what?”

“The video she left.” Lance’s voice was cold. “You lied. She didn’t say anything at all.”

“She said she loved me, Lance. I can’t unwatch that.”

“All I saw was her dying, Keith. I saw her fighting, I saw her bleeding, and crying, and then she died before saying anything to you!”

Keith sighed before taking Lance’s arm and pulling him towards the Green lion. “I’ll show you.”

Green let them in hesitantly, but warmed up a bit when Keith reassured her that he wanted to. He sat Lance down in the chair and watched as the video pulled up on the screen.

"Hi there, Keith," Pidge said loudly, a lopsided grin on her face. "I made this video in case I die or am somehow injured past the point of coming back to a state in which I can function. Sorry for whatever happened, I didn't mean to die. I hope you're okay. I mean, if you're watching this video then you're alive and therefore okay but I hope you're not too upset."

Keith looked away and drowned out the video until Lance gripped his arm tightly, his fingers trembling.

"Keith Kogane, I love you. I can't even remember what made me feel this way, or when it happened. God, we've been a team for just over a year now. You're probably really old watching this. Gross."

Lance shook his head in disbelief.

"Oh, Shiro's calling me back out. I gotta go. See ya!"

The screen went dark.

Lance’s eyes were red again, bright with tears. “That wasn’t enough,” he whispered. “That can’t be all of it.”

Keith nodded in agreement. “I know. But it’s all we have-”

The screen flickered on, showing an older Pidge. The video was dated from a couple of years ago. She beamed happily.

“Hey again! Nice to see you came back for me. Desperate much?” She cleared her throat awkwardly. “Anyways. I figured I’d update on that previous video, since it’s way too old. Seven years, and I still haven’t changed my haircut. But you haven’t either, so I guess that’s enough of an excuse.” 

Keith reached up to touch the back of his head again, running his fingers through the long hairs.

“So I’ve been thinking for a while. About why. I mean, of all the people on the team, I didn’t really expect you to be the one I’d take a liking to. You probably think the same, huh?” She laughed to herself. “Kinda funny how I understand the way you think.”

“You’re impulsive and probably too much for your own good, but it’s endearing. Definitely stubborn too. You can be pretty sarcastic too, just like me. But I know you well enough to see your soft side through it all. You care about everyone and you’ll do anything you can to help them when they need it. And I love it.”

Lance got up and left, his face buried in his hands. He managed to say, “I’m sorry,” before he left.

Keith felt his chest flutter when he looked back to the screen. Pidge’s eyes had gone soft, and clearly she was sincere about what she had said. She suddenly perked up and looked at the screen excitedly.

“If you feel like it, keep coming back here. I’m working on a Top Secret Project, TSP for short. I’ll let you know when I finish it. I’ll see you soon!”

Green purred, waking him from his daze. Keith patted the control panel before turning to leave.

“See you soon, Pidge.”


	9. Frigid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the castle is really freaking cold, and nobody is happy about it.

Keith woke with a start. He was freezing cold, blanketless, and ready for murder.

“Morning, sleepyhead!” Lance gave him a grin, earning a pillow to the face.

“Piss off,” Keith grumbled, rubbing his arms. “Why is it so cold?”

“No idea, but the rest of us have been up for hours trying to fix it,” Lance explained, chucking the pillow back at him. “We thought after a day of sleeping you’d be rested enough to help out.”

“A day?” Keith blinked and glanced at his ticker. Sure enough, an entire day had passed without him knowing. “Oh quiznak!”

Lance patted his shoulder. “It’s fine, don’t beat yourself up about it. You needed it.”

“I’ll help you out, can you give me a minute?”

“Yeah, of course,” Lance replied, heading out of the room. “We’ll meet up in the control room in five.”

Keith shivered and pulled on his jacket. It was really, REALLY cold. He thought that spending years in the void of space would get him used to it, but apparently not. 

Lance, true to his word, was in the control room with everyone else.

“The castle has been malfunctioning for about five vargas now, as I’m sure you’ve noticed,” Allura informed them. “We’ve checked the upper half of the castle already, and nothing seems to be wrong. The next place to check will be the cryopods and the rest of the living quarters, along with the hangars.”

“I’ll run down to the hangars,” Keith offered.

“Can someone go with him? Pairing off is going to be safer until we know the extent of the damage.” Shiro looked around the room.

Lance stepped forward. “I’ll go.” 

“Let’s head down then.” Keith motioned for him to follow and led the way down to where the lions were stationed.

All five were in a circle, seeming to be communicating with one another. Keith and Lance watched in fascination as they did so, understanding what they were saying without hearing anything.

“So Green’s experiencing a shift in balance,” Keith gathered, “which is causing the cold. It isn’t the castle at all. It’s Green’s system emitting cold.”

“Weird."

Keith moved forward to place his hand on Green. “Could you let us in please?”

Green obeyed. She bowed down and opened her jaws, the platform creaking downward to grant them access. Upon placing his hand on the console, he found the systems were freezing to the touch. He frowned.

“What’s wrong?” Lance asked.

“Something’s here.” Keith felt a presence in the air. It was familiar somehow, invoking a deep tug in his chest. “I don’t think it’s bad, but it definitely wasn’t here yesterday. Can’t you feel it?”

Lance shook his head. “No, but we should probably get rid of it if it’s causing the whole castle to be this cold.”

“I’ll give it a shot.”

Keith sat down at the controls, closing his eyes to work through the system. He felt through the air, searching for the disruption.

“C’mon,” Keith muttered.

Suddenly he found the presence in a small corner, pressing itself under the seat. He reached out to hold it in his mind. The feeling became cold, then gradually unwound itself until it was out of his grasp. Green purred in his mind. He felt an odd calm wash over him, and when he pressed his palm to the controls, they were warm.

“Got it!” Keith relaxed instantly as the air thawed between them, slowly melting back to the normal temperature.

“How?!?” Lance demanded. “How did _you_ work with Green? Why can’t the rest of us do that with other lions?"

Keith shrugged. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I didn’t think it would actually work.”

“Not fair,” Lance complained.

“No use complaining now.” Keith stood and turned to leave. “We should get back to the others.”

Lance huffed but followed him back to the control room. Hunk had shed the blanket he carried around his shoulders earlier, and Shiro’s arm had stopped radiating warmth. Allura and Coran were no longer wearing heavy ceremonial robes.

“What was it?” Allura asked, concern flooding her tone. “Are the Lions okay?”

“Yeah, they’re okay,” Keith replied. “There was something weird going on with Green. Some presence tucked away in her.”

“But we haven’t been on a planet in ages!” Coran’s eyes were wide.

“It felt familiar. Like it’s been there before,” Keith explained. “But somehow it was different. I don’t know what it was.”

Allura sighed. “I’m glad you got rid of it.”

“It wasn’t evil, I’m sure of it.” Keith’s brow furrowed. “It’s not gone either. Just… freed.”

“We’ll have to check up on Green regularly then,” Shiro decided. “Keith, since you’re the one who noticed and got rid of it, would you mind taking care of the checkups?”

Keith nodded. Mostly he was just happy to have an excuse to go to Green and watch the videos. But for some reason, he wasn’t worried about anything bad happening. From the warmth the presence had given off to the calm feeling he got when it was free, he knew it wouldn’t cause Green, or anyone else, harm.

“Then it’s settled. You’ll have an hour to break and then we’ll head to the training deck. Make sure you all eat beforehand.” Shiro smiled at them before turning and going in the direction of the kitchen. Lance followed soon after. After a moment of thought, Hunk seemed to veer towards his quarters.

Keith didn’t feel like being social. So of course, he chose to go back down to Green.

Green sat comfortably off to the side of the hangar, finally looking comfortable again. She opened up for Keith right away, welcoming him by pulling up the next video on her own as soon as he sat down.

Keith turned and went to enter Green instead. He settled down in the seat and pulled up the next video on the roster.

“Mornin’,” Pidge mumbled, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. It looked like she had fallen asleep working in her lion. “I slept about 2 hours last night. Sorry. I just found out that I can hook the TSP up to the lions, and I got really excited because technically…”

The constant stream of words coming from her mouth made absolutely no sense to Keith, but he didn’t care. She was there, right in front of him.

“Here, check it out!” She held up a tiny crystal and tapped on it twice. It seemed to be linked to Green somehow through a wire wrapped around it. She grabbed the camera unit from where it was settled and held it out to show a projection of a lion standing tall in front of here.

“No way…” Keith breathed, watching as she reached out to touch it.

“WOAH!” Pidge screeched when her hand didn’t go through. Her hand slid through the lion’s fur and she grinned wildly. The lion glitched, and seeing this, Pidge tried to pull her hand away, but it didn’t work. Instead, her hand sparked with electricity and a loud pop rang out. She was thrown back from the lion and onto the floor.

Oh.

_Oh._

That day, the team had found Pidge lying in her lion with singed clothing and the smell of burning flesh in the air. She spent two days recovering in a healing pod and had to rest for another week afterwards.

The screen flashed to a later date, Pidge sitting wrapped in bandages. “That went so, so wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be solid. It _definitely_ wasn’t supposed to shock me. Guess it’s back to work for me. Sorry about that, but I’ll let you know when I have it fixed!”

Keith sighed and pulled away from the screen, his eyes stinging. Seeing her hurt like that, it reminded him too much of her death.

“I guess I should head to the training deck soon, huh?” Keith pressed his hand to Green’s inner walls comfortingly. “I’ll see you soon Green, I promise.”

He turned and left, making his way to what he would discover to be the weirdest training session yet.


	10. Watch Out!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything gets 3x weirder. Good luck with this one guys.

Training after the second video was a welcome distraction. Keith just hoped he wouldn’t mess up. The lions flew through debris they had discovered was floating through an area in their path, deciding that they needed something to do after days of grieving.

“Watch out!”

Keith swerved away from the scrapped fighter just in time for it to miss his lion and go tumbling past him.

“Thanks!” he called out, turning to follow the other paladins in close formation.

“What are you thanking us for?” Hunk asked. “Nobody said anything.”

Keith frowned. “Someone told me to look out for that boulder. It must have been you.”

“Nobody’s said anything for a while, Keith,” Shiro confirmed. “Are you feeling alright?”

“I- I don’t know.”

“Let’s head back to the castle then. It’s about time we take a break.” Shiro flew into the hangar, Keith and the others entering soon after. 

Keith stood as soon as Red landed, taking off his helmet and going out to hand it to Hunk. “Must be broken again.”

Hunk turned it over in is hands. “Doesn’t look like it,” he muttered, opening an inner panel.

“Huh.” Keith took it back and tucked it under his arm. “Weird.”

Shiro stepped out to examine his team. “You all look exhausted. We’ll take the rest of the day off, then get back to it tomorrow.”

Lance stretched dramatically. “Sounds amazing. I’m really behind on my beauty rest, see?” He pointed to the nonexistent bags under his eyes. “I’ll see you guys around!”

“Get some rest, Keith.” Shiro patted Keith’s back. “You deserve it.”

“Hi there!” Pidge’s voice was bright and he could hear excitement bubbling over. “I finally fixed the projection. Here, look!”

She pulled the crystal out again and tapped it, then turned to show Keith the new lion projection. It was a bright green, a change from the gray he had seen in the last video. She touched its nose and it leaned into the touch, purring loudly.

“This is Green,” Pidge explained. “As in the spirit of the Green Lion. She’s really friendly, and luckily there’s no more shocking happening.”

Keith smiled in relief.

Pidge bounced up and down. “I can’t wait until you get to see this! You’ll love it! I might even be able to put it in all of the Lions, but for now it’ll just have to be Green until I get it finished.”

She sat back in the chair and refocused the camera. “Anyways, I wanted to show that to you. I’m really happy with how this is coming out. I’ll update the next step as I’m doing it so I can show everyone a sample video on how to personalize the programming.”

Pidge gave a small wave and a smile before switching the camera off.

Keith decided he should probably feed himself. The hallways passed slowly as Keith trudged through them, feeling the day of working without food catch up to him. His stomach growled loudly.

“Ah, Keith, just in time!” Coran held a bowl in his direction. “Hunk taught me how to make this new version of food goo!”

“Thanks,” Keith replied, eagerly taking it. The bowl was hot enough to burn his hands, but he didn’t really care. He sat and scarfed down the food as quickly as he could.

Coran laughed. “Hungry, are we?”

“Not anymore,” he answered, scooping up the dish to wash it.

“Good to hear.” Coran smiled warmly. “How are you feeling?”

Keith considered the question for a moment. “I think I’m doing alright. Exhausted, but alright.”

“As am I,” Coran agreed. “Time seems to move slowly with nothing to do.”

Keith yawned. “I guess it’s time to go to bed.”

“Get your sleep, my boy.” Coran waved to him as he left.

Keith stopped in Pidge’s room before he got to his own. There was stuff piled everywhere, from spare computers to random samples in tubes and _what the hell was that small fuzzy creature over there?_

Keith’s eyes settled on a small picture of Pidge with the other paladins hanging out on a peaceful planet that valued relaxation over everything else. He picked it up and held it to his chest, wishing so hard that they could go back to that time. Taking the picture with him, he left to go to his own room.

In comparison to Pidge’s, his room was entirely barren. The only thing he could see out of place was his unmade bed. The rest of his room was completely empty, just the way he liked it. But he could make an exception. For Pidge.

The picture got tacked to the wall beside his bed, hanging above his pillow. He changed out of his armor and set it on its stand, then settled down on his bed.

“Goodnight, Pidge,” he mumbled as his eyes grew heavy.

And he could’ve sworn that he heard someone say it right back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally messed up and I am so so sorry! I posted chapters 9 and 10 out of order. what you should take is Keith unlocked a presence in Green and then the voice appeared. I know that they were posted a long time apart but I have a very disorganized writing space on my computer. I promise this won't happen again!


	11. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith decides it's time to show the rest of the team, and they finally understand why Keith's been so distant.

The next morning, Keith went directly down to Green. The lion welcomed him warmly with a purr. He sat in the pilot’s chair, jumping when he felt the presence from the day before return. It soon settled to the back of his mind as he pulled up the next video.

Pidge was sitting quietly, her eyes shut. He noticed that she wore the mind melding headband, three glowing blue shapes settled across her forehead. She shook her head and looked up at the camera.

“For a while I’ve been trying to connect with Green better. I thought maybe it would help me understand the projection better, but so far I still can’t figure out how it works exactly.” She pouted. “Science is so much easier without lion magic interfering.”

She took off the headband and set it aside, turning all of her attention to Keith. “I’m definitely feeling Green’s presence all the time. Kinda like we’re turning into one being. Of course she still disagrees with me sometimes and yells at me when I don’t get enough sleep, but she’s more of a part of me than before. It’s weird.”

Pidge glanced behind her worriedly. “The projection is getting really messed up too. Green’s showing up as just a shadow now. She seems kinda solid, but not as much as before. The image gets all muddled and I can’t tell what exactly she is anymore. I don’t get it.” She pulled out her crystal and tapped it twice, then showed the projection.

Sure enough, behind Pidge stood an unfocused shadow. It was definitely not a lion anymore, but he couldn’t recognize it as a shape he knew. When Pidge touched it, her hand went through a bit of green mist before she touched something solid.

“I’ll figure it out soon enough, I think,” Pidge mused, watching the shape behind her for another moment before jumping back to the video. “That’s all I’ve got for now, it’s not getting very far lately. I’ll see you soon, Keith.”

Keith let out a huff when the screen went dark. “What was that?” he breathed, the image of the odd shadow stuck in his mind. It almost looked… human. But not quite yet. His mind raced with the possibilities. Something could have happened to Green, which would make sense with what had happened the other day. Pidge could have simply made a mistake. _Or maybe,_ Keith thought, _something got in the castle and attacked the lions._

He shook his head, then stood and left, feeling the presence follow him out of the lion before disappearing. His feet carried him upstairs to the lounge. He found the rest of the team sitting on the couches, a heated debate going on between them.

“Water isn’t wet, Hunk!” Lance exclaimed. “When you put water on a napkin, the napkin gets wet. When you put water on a person, the person gets wet. But if you put water on water, the water doesn’t get wet!”

“But then how does stuff get wet if the water isn’t wet?” Hunk asked.

“He’s got a point.” Shiro was smiling a little, waiting for what Lance would say.

Lance threw his hands in the air in exasperation, then noticed Keith.

“Keith! My buddy! My man! Tell Hunk that water isn’t wet!” Lance looked at him with pleading eyes.

“There’s no way that water is wet,” Keith agreed. “Don’t you remember discussing this with Pidge? She lectured us for an hour on why water _isn’t_ wet.”

“Exactly!” Lance smiled triumphantly.

“Fire burns stuff, but fire itself isn’t burnt,” Keith went on. “So by that logic, water gets stuff wet, but water isn’t wet.”

“Okay, fine,” Hunk relented. “You win.”

Keith smiled. “Good. Now, back to what I’m down here for. Green’s doing okay, she’s back to her normal self again.”

“That’s good to hear. Thanks, Keith.” Shiro motioned for him to sit down. “Come hang out with us. We don’t get much bonding time anymore, do we?”

“No, not really,” Keith admitted.

The first real day they had even remotely together was training yesterday. And even then, they hardly talked beyond giving orders. Keith didn’t really consider that talking though, so he decided that the last time they talked would have been the bonding session where Pidge explained the state of water, which is _not_ wet, mind you.

“I made cupcakes,” Hunk said proudly, holding out a tray of blue-and-white things that looked suspiciously close to deviled eggs. “I swear they actually taste like cupcakes. Trays out here aren’t shaped like ours.”

Keith took one and bit into it, pleasantly surprised to find them tasting like chocolate and peanut butter. “Pidge would’ve liked these.”

Lance nodded. “Yeah, for sure. They’re amazing, Hunk!”

Hunk smiled sheepishly. “Thanks, but it was actually her recipe. I taught her how baking recipes work and she made one for me. I meant to make them for her, but…” He trailed off.

The air grew heavy, and Keith sighed. He knew he really shouldn’t, but he piped up.

“I have something I’d like to show you guys,” he murmured, standing up. “It’s Pidge’s.”

Lance looked at him with wide eyes, and Keith nodded slightly. He smiled grimly and left to head back to his room, leaving Keith with Shiro and Hunk.

“It’s in Green,” he told them as they walked, leading the way through the twisting, seemingly endless hallways. 

Keith stopped in front of the lion, making his presence known before she leaned down and opened her jaws hesitantly. She rumbled her discomfort to Keith.

“It’s alright,” Keith murmured, pressing his hand against Green’s foreleg. “Let them see it.”

Hunk looked at Keith, clearly scared. “Are you sure about this? I mean, Green clearly doesn’t want us here and you seem pretty scared yourself. You don’t have to.”

“I’m positive. I just want to help you guys,” Keith insisted. “Now go.”

“It’s okay, Hunk,” Shiro said, placing his hand on Hunk’s shoulder.

Keith watched the pair disappear into the lion and closed his eyes, swallowing down his fears. _What if they don’t understand? What if they hate me for this? What if they-_

“Hey,” Lance interrupted, coming into the hangar. “I figured you might want some support.”

Keith blinked, surprised. “Lance?”

“Duh. Who else is this handsome?” Lance flashed a dramatic pose to prove his point. “Anyways, I know this is hard for you, just like it is for the rest of us. I’m here to help.”

“Thanks, Lance.” Keith smiled gratefully. 

“Anytime.”

Shiro and Hunk returned soon after, looking like they’d been crying. 

“I’m sorry Keith,” Shiro murmured. “I didn’t realize she didn’t say it to you before…”

Keith nodded slowly, looking to Hunk for his reply.

“I just don’t understand! Why didn’t she leave videos for the rest of us?” Hunk cried, tears streaming down his face.

Lance put his hand on Hunk’s shoulder. “Anything she needed to say, we already know,” he said gently. “We know she cared about us like we’re family, right?”

Hunk sniffed and pulled everyone in for a hug. “She’s really gone…”

“We’re still here,” Shiro reminded them. “We can carry her memory with us everywhere we go.”

“We can tell her story to everyone,” Lance added. “The story of the Green Paladin who defended the universe until her last breath.”

“The title needs some work.” Keith grinned lopsidedly. “I can think of a better one.”

“No way!” Lance reached out to punch him gently, but Keith stepped back and he missed. “First one to come up with a better title wins!”

Keith started to walk away. Before he left, he yelled, “Legend of the Green Paladin!”

He heard Lance sputter and try to come up with a reply, but he didn’t stick around to hear it. His feet carried him back to his room. He sat down and sighed, glancing over to the picture he had taken from Pidge’s room.

“I miss you,” he whispered. “I wish you were still here with us.”

Keith’s eyes grew heavy and he leaned back on his bed. The last image in his mind was Pidge, waving to him and calling his name, before he finally closed his eyes and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god, thank you guys so so much for your support! I seriously appreciate it, and I want to take another moment to thank you guys for being so patient in waiting for updates. I have a friend who's an author and even though she updates once a week, she gets tons of messages wondering when the next chapter will be. I was really scared that it would happen to me and I'd end up super stressed out. luckily you guys are absolutely amazing and I have never been asked once!
> 
> while my health still really sucks, I already have the next chapter almost finished. I'm just waiting for some secret stuff to get back to me before I post it! chapter 12 should be up in a week or two.
> 
> thanks again!


	12. Reopened Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sore spot is hit when Keith visits the Lions.

After having breakfast with the team, Keith went to the hangar to visit the Lions. They hadn’t been flown in a while and Red was bound to chastise him about it until he took her out.

When he arrived, he was surprised to have Red purr in greeting before ignoring him in favor of the other Lions. As soon as Green noticed him, she padded over and crouched to allow him inside.

“Excited today?” he asked, running his hand along her jaw before stepping inside and sitting in the pilot’s chair. He pulled up the list of videos enthusiastically and-

One.

One video left.

The last thing Pidge left him.

This was the only time he’d see Pidge again.

Keith bit back a sob and selected it after encouragement from Green

“Keith!” Pidge greeted, smiling warmly at the camera. “I’m pretty sure the TSP is done, so I’ll type up some instructions for you on how to find it and work it. God, I hope this works.” She turned to type for a few moments on her laptop before returning her gaze to look at him.

“This will probably be the last entry. I feel like I’ve done pretty much all I needed to in these videos.” She nodded before continuing. “If you look on the screen to your right, you’ll see the instructions on how to activate it officially. It runs in the background constantly but not much will happen unless you turn it on. That’s it, then. See you!”

Keith glanced over to see a short, simple list and did as it told him. He dug out a small crystal from a small compartment underneath the seat and tapped it twice. The clear gem instantly became warm. He watched it, fascinated, as it glowed a soft green color. It was the exact same green that adorned Pidge’s armor and the Green lion. He twisted it in his hands, watching the patterns of light flit across the controls.

“Well this is new.”

The sound behind him made Keith freeze. He slowly turned around, standing with his hand on his knife.

“I’m not here to kill you, you know.”

The owner of the oh-so-familiar voice was short, but mature. A soft green glow outlined her figure, which had filled out over the years. Her face was much softer without the harsh lighting from around the camera. She had short hair that fluffed out in every direction and framed her big brown eyes nicely. She adjusted her glasses and smiled at him.

“ _Pidge_.” Keith’s eyes were wide.

“Nice to see you again, Keith.”

He choked out a sob, racing to scoop her into his arms. A million thoughts flew around his mind and he couldn’t make sense of any of them. All he knew was that she was back with him, and nothing else mattered.

He could feel Pidge crying too, her body trembling against his.

“Good thing I don’t need to breathe.”

“Oh, sorry!” Keith hurriedly put her down. He rubbed his neck awkwardly. “Sorry.”

Pidge smiled. “It’s fine.”

Keith stared at her for another moment.

“You can talk, you know.”

“Ah! Right.” Keith cleared his throat. “Do you… remember?”

“Yeah, I do,” Pidge admitted. “This is my entire consciousness.”

Keith pulled her back against his chest. “I’m so happy to have you back.”

“Hey Keith, it’s time for-” Shiro stopped and stared at the two. “Pidge?”

“Shiro!” Pidge wriggled away from Keith to hug the leader.

Keith looked on as Shiro held her. Pidge cried into his shoulder, mirroring the older man.

“How?” Shiro finally asked, still holding her close.

“I worked on it for years and I meant to tell you guys but then I- well, you know- and then I didn’t have the time!” 

Shiro looked at Keith, shocked. “How did you find her?”

“She left more videos for me to watch,” Keith explained. “The project she was working on, she documented her progress on it in case this happened. I finally caught up and activated it, which brought her here.”

“I’m glad she’s back,” Shiro murmured.

“Yeah.” Keith looked at her happily, wiping away his tears. “Me too.”

There was silence for a moment, all of them enjoying each other’s company. 

Pidge pulled away from Shiro to ask, “Can you go get the others? I can’t really go anywhere…”

“I’ve got it,” Shiro said. “You stay back and keep an eye on her.”

“I will.” Keith watched Shiro leave and turned back to Pidge. “We have a lot to talk about, huh?”

Pidge nodded. “Yeah.”

“I- uhm.” Keith took a deep breath, steeling his nerves. “I love you too.”

Pidge looked at him in surprise. “You- what?”

“I love you too,” he said with more conviction.

She stepped forward slowly to lean against him, her arms wrapping around his chest. “I’m glad.”

Keith felt his heart thrum excitedly. Pidge was back, and she still loved him. He had her back. She was _his_ , and he was hers. His hands made their way to hug her waist, and he rested his chin on top of her head. He hummed quietly.

Pidge’s grip tightened. “That’s the song you sing every morning in the training room.”

“Uh, yeah,” Keith mumbled, embarrassed. “It is.”

“Could you sing it for me?” Pidge asked.

Keith smiled. “Sure.”

He breathed slowly before beginning, making sure his lungs were full enough to carry him through the phrase.

“I am alone, so don't speak.  
I find war, and I find peace.  
I find no heat, no love in me.  
And I am low and unwell.  
This is love, this is hell  
This sweet plague that follows me.”

And my body’s weak,  
Feel my heart giving up on me.  
I’m worried it might just be.  
And my body’s weak,  
Feel my lungs giving up on me.  
I’m worried it might just be  
Something my soul needs…”

And I see war on the screen,  
And it is cruel and unclean,  
But I still worry more about you.  
And I am rude and unkind,  
Have no thought, and have no time.  
Have no eyes, so no point of view.”

And my body’s weak,  
I feel my heart giving up on me.  
I’m worried it might just be.  
My body’s weak,  
Feel my lungs giving up on me.  
I’m worried it might just be.  
Something my soul needs…  
Something my soul needs…  
Something my soul needs…”

And I am more than this frame  
I feel hurt, and I feel shame,  
I just wish you would feel the same.”

And I am more than these bones  
I feel love, I feel alone,  
I just wish you would come home.”

My body’s weak,  
Feel my heart giving up on me.  
I’m worried it might just be.  
My body’s weak,  
Feel my lungs giving up on me.  
I’m worried it might just be  
Something my soul needs…  
Something my soul needs…  
Something my soul needs  
Is you, lying next to me.  
And it’s you, lying next to me.”

When he finished, Pidge was staring at him with wide eyes. She was completely entranced and unblinking. Keith felt his ears get hot and he looked away.

“Sorry, it was probably really bad…” 

Pidge shook her head and hugged him. “No! No it was… It was beautiful.”

Keith gawked. “Thank you,” he breathed. He melted into her touch.

“Pidge!” Hunk launched himself at the two and squeezed Pidge tight. “Pidge oh my god I can’t believe you’re back! I mean you’re right here in front of my and I’m hugging you but I never expected to see you again and-”

“I’m here,” Pidge reassured him. “Team Punk is back together again!”

“Yeah.” Hunk stayed silent for a while, content to hold her.

Keith watched awkwardly from the side. “I’ll go if you’d like.”

“No!” Pidge pulled away from Hunk quickly and looked at Keith with fear in her eyes. “Please.”

“Alright,” Keith relented. “I’ll stay.”

“I can go get Lance,” Hunk offered. 

“Shiro’s on it.” Pidge smiled. “Thank you.”

Keith turned as he heard footsteps echo in the distance. “Speak of the devil.”

Lance came into view and he froze as soon as he saw Pidge. He began to cry, surging forward to hug her. “Pidge,” he breathed.

Keith felt his chest swell. Here they were, all back together again. Like a team. The past few days had been hell, each of them struggling to come to terms with Pidge’s death. It hadn’t seemed real at all. And here they were, Pidge standing right beside them. Solid. Real.

“I missed you, Pidge-podge,” Lance told her. 

“I missed you too, Lancey-Lance,” Pidge replied, laughter peeking through her tears.

Shiro stepped inside Green and moved to stand beside Keith. “Team Voltron is back. It’s good to see.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “It really is.”

Pidge finally turned to see the rest of them. “My family… are they okay?”

“They’re on the way,” Shiro assured her. “I told them to come to Green when they were ready.”

She nodded and pulled away from Lance, looking over the team. Her eyes met Keith’s and he smiled sadly.

Seeing her again was bittersweet, Keith decided. Of course she was here with them, and they hadn’t lost her. She could think and talk and touch. But her green glow was a harsh reminder that she wasn’t who she used to be. Every time he looked at her, he thought of when she died, and the recordings, and-

“Hey, it’s okay.” Pidge had taken his hand and was standing to face him. “It’s alright.”

“But you’re not you,” Keith protested. “You’re a projection.”

Pidge nodded. “You’re right. But I’m still the same old Pidge.”

It was hardly much consolation, but he didn’t say anything else. He heard footsteps outside and started towards the door. 

“Let’s give the some time,” Shiro murmured gently, nodding to Hunk and Lance.

Keith smiled at Pidge, giving her a small wave before leaving the lion. He watched Sam and Matt as they traced his path inside, both looking confused but excited. 

“I hope she’ll be okay…” Keith walked beside Shiro, wringing his hands nervously.

“She’ll be fine, don’t worry. Nothing will happen to her again.” Shiro gave him a side hug. “Besides, she’s strong enough to take care of herself.”

Keith was skeptical. The last time they said that before a mission, she died. He settled against a wall in the hangar and waited anxiously for when he could return to Pidge again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my apologies for posting chapter 11 again, I honestly have such a bad memory and I never know what I have an haven’t done. 
> 
> I’m gonna be honest with you guys and tell you that my health has taken a pretty bad turn. I’ve been staying home sick for a few weeks now and I haven’t attended school in a while. although I love working on Leave Me, it’s just not a great time right now. I really do appreciate all of the support from you guys. Writing this fic has been an amazing experience and I’ve extended how long it will be in order to keep it running, so strap yourselves in for a crazy plot from this point on. I won’t be writing for a while, the next chapter likely won’t be until June or July. After that point, I should update every other week or so.
> 
> I want to take a moment to thank the artists who I was able to commission for the artwork in this chapter. the first piece was done by @samufleur on Instagram and the second by @acro on tumblr. I seriously appreciate their hard work and I’m so incredibly happy with how the art turned out. I want to ask you guys to NOT repost the pieces from this fic, out of respect for the artists. they have very graciously allowed me to use the art in Leave Me and I don’t want to upset them if someone reposts.
> 
> if you guys decide to make fanart for some reason, please send it to me! I’m on most social media sites under the username @whoopsitsmeme and those sites include tumblr and instagram. I’ll also feature your art in the fic if you would like!
> 
> whew, that was a long note. thanks for reading my fic and taking the time to read this note as well. I love every single one of you and I’m so grateful for you guys. see you soon!


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